|
Home > News & Info |
|
|
|
News Sunday 13 August, 2006 Members of Southern Blues were informed
today that singer, Len Hirons, no longer wishes to continue with the band and
has cancelled all engagements. The band apologises for any inconvenience this
may cause. |
|
Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..." "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues,
unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good
woman, with the meanest face in town." The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat
it. Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman with
the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in
town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, And she weighs 500 pounds." The Blues is not about choice. You're stuck in a ditch, you're
stuck in a ditch - ain't no way out. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train; blues NEVER go on
the northbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even
in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does
fixin' to die. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough
to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place
in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to
have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with
male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the
blues. Breaking your leg 'cause an alligator be chomping on it is. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom b. gallery openings c. Ivy League institutions d. golf courses No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
happen to be an old person and you slept in it for the last 6 months. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a. you're older than dirt b. you're blind c. you shot a man in Memphis Not if: a. you have all your teeth b. you were once blind but now can see c. the man in Memphis lived d. you have a 401K or trust fund Blues is not a matter of colour. It's a matter of bad luck.
Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also
got leg up on the blues. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's
the Blues. Other acceptable Blues
beverages are: a. muddy water b. nasty black coffee The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier b. Chardonnay c. Snapple d. Slim Fast If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a
Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a
jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair,
substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die
during a tennis match or while getting liposuction. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d. Fat River Dumpling Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Big Willie Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather
can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. "Make your own Blues Name" Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,
etc.) c. last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime
Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe
not "Kiwi.") I don't care how tragic your life: if you own even one computer,
you cannot sing the blues. As usual if you have any comments or queries please contact us
by e-mail at:- |
|
|
